This shall too pass away...

What do you do when your world, which was perfect a while ago comes down crashing like a pack of cards? You start getting a feeling,' This is the end of me. I can't go any further. I have given up.' You get up from sleep with a start, when you see a dark tunnel with no light at the end of it. Life is so fickle. It tricks you, when you have least expected it.

Let me tell you a story.

Once a Monarch called upon his wisemen and asked them, 'Is there any Mantra or suggestion, which works in joy and sorrow, in defeat and victory alike? All the wisemen were confused, except for an old man who gave the Monarch a piece of folded paper with a condition that it must be opened only in the time extreme danger i.e. when the King feels he has ran out of solutions. The Monarch puts the paper under his daimond ring. Days pass and the neigbouring Kingdom attacks and the King loses and runs for his life all alone. Suddenly he finds himself at the end of the road. With a deep valley ahead and the sound of the horses approaching, he was sure that his end had dawned. The Monarch becomes restless. Then he remembers the folded paper given to him by the old man. He opens it and reads. The paper bears,'THIS DAY SHALL TOO PASS AWAY.' He reads it again and again. He realises that a few days ago he enjoyed all the pleasures of the world. And today he has nothing with him. Just like the days of luxuries the day of danger will pass away too. A calm comes to his face. After a few minutes, the noise of the horses receeds. He realises they have moved into some other part. The brave Monarch reorganises his army, fights back and reconquers his Kingdom.

The King did not give up. He conquered the darkest period of his life because he believed in himself. Had he jumped off the cliff he would have never got his Kingdom back. So my friend when faced with such a situation, the key lies in picking up the broken pieces and starting afresh with whatever little you have got. You are just a witness of change. Experience it, understand it and enjoy the present moment- as this shall too pass away. Ensure that every change whether good or bad leaves you stronger.

Whatever may be the obstacles in your life, however big, medium, small they may be, they will pass one day and you will come out more confident, mature and shinning.

Why???

• Why are people selfish?
• Why should you not expect the other person to be a little responsible, when you are yourself responsible?
• Why can't things go as planned?
• Why do things go wrong, just when you thought they were set right?
  
• Why can't a dependent voice his/her views?
• Why is one seen in bad light if he/she puts his/her foot down for the right reasons?
  
• Why is every stage of your life governed by dirty politics?
• Why do people small talk and sweet talk?
• Why is it false to be true?
• Why does reasoning differ from person to person?
• Why is truth so subjective?
  
• Why doesn't a perfect code of right and wrong exists?
• Why one has to die to attain peace for eternity?
• Why is trust so fickle?

Questions after Questions! Looks like I ll never find the answers.
Yet, that does not stop my pursuit of happiness. Rather I am happy I am true to my conscience. This Birthday, I make 3 promises to myself.
Come what may, my smile will never fade.
I ll never give up.
I ll love myself more than ever.

Friday!

The week begins and I start waiting for Fridays. On Friday evenings there is this blissful feeling of happiness and relief. Similarly on Sunday evenings I experience a strange kind of sadness. Monday mornings are horrible and cranky. Tuesdays are just plain and fine. On Wednesdays the excitement starts piling up as 2 wickets are already down and there are just 2 more to go. Thursdays go in anticipation of Fridays. And when Fridays come, the formals are dumped into the closet and a comfortable tee and a pair of jeans sneak out, already bringing on the weekend. Saturdays are spent in sleeping, browsing the net, watching TV, etc. Sundays creep in with the dreary feeling of Mondays and the wait for the next Friday begins all over again. Week after week the same cycle! I bet its the same everywhere. Life has become a routine, but it is not really monotonous. Everyday brings in new challenges along with a new a ray of hope, suggesting life is going to be better going forward. Life has changed and it is for the good. And Fridays are always 'GOOD'.

Magic that drives me crazy...

A new music phone and I spend the entire weekend loading songs it. Some new ones and some old ones. Wow! I love the romantic songs by rafi and kishore

Ehsaan tera hoga mujh par, mujhe tumse mohabbat ho gayi hai...

Dil ka bhawar kare pukar, pyaar ka raag suno re...

Chookar mere mann ko, kiya tumne kya ishara...

Tumne mujhe dekha...

Aa chal ke tujhe, main leke chalu, ek aise gagan ke tale...

Aise toh na dekho, ke humko nasha ho jaye...

Nasha hi yeh...I am feeling stupidly romantic and the weather in Mumbai is such that it is driving me all the more crazy. Dunno for whom I am humming these songs!

A phase comes to an end...

I became a graduate this week and that too with respectable marks. Some people were surprised, some were expecting me to do well. I feel nothing about things coming to an end. May be because my attention has been diverted by something else or may be I have been hyper-ventilating about results so much that now, when they have come, I feel nothing. Not that I am a stone, but we have to grow up. We have to leave things behind to make space for new ones. Nevertheless, I ll still do my post-grads from Podar. I don't know how much college I am going to attend for that. Lol! I talk as if I have attended college regularly in the last 5 years. The kiddy phase of my life has come to an end. There are lot of new things that have come into existence in the past few days. Some I need to change and those I cannot change I need to accept them the way they are. As some say, 'When you can't fight things, just accept them. Things will be easier.' And this statement is always proven right, no matter what the circumstances are.

I am reminded of a little prayer now.

Oh God, please give me enough strength to change things I can change and enough courage to accept things I cannot change.

Amen

Life is all about looking for opportunities in obstacles.

Campus to Corporate

When we all apply for jobs, we think we will just have to execute whatever we have learnt so far. If that is what you think, then you are making a big big mistake. Trust me you have to be open to many new things. You will be inundated with lot of new things. Your ability to grasp and retain will be at test. You should be ready to learn, unlearn and then relearn. When you were in college, you could just bunk the following day if you have had a heavy day. But here you just can't. You look forward for the weekend. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday go in thinking about the last weekend and Thursday, Friday go in planning the next.(ofcourse all I did this weekend was sleep) I was told by a senior that your first month in any organisation is your honeymooning period. You learn new things, come to know new people, etc. But what if your honeymoon makes you battle with a bad stomach? Your entire constitution goes for a toss? You don't want it, right? But that is not the case here. You learn to endure, face and fight all the obstacles. Having said that, I have also heard people go an extra mile forward to make you feel comfortable. People take care of your needs. Well, I think I should agree here, I have easily lost 2-3 kilos. They have taken enough care to see that I lose weight and that too without joining a gym! Now that is cost cutting!

Narcissism

Posted By Sharvari on 28/05/2009

The word ‘narcissism’ in common usage is associated with people who indulge in too much of self praise. A narcissistic man is a person whose conversation starts with his display of vanity and ends with his self-centered ‘one-way listener not interested’ communication. The word has its origination in a Greek myth of Narcissus. According to the myth a young Greek called Narcissus rejected the desperate advances of the nymph Echo, for which he was punished to be doomed to fall in love with his own reflection. Unable to consummate his love he pined away and turned into flower which was named after him. The dictionary meaning of narcissism is as follows:

Nar-cis-sism

-a noun

(1) Inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.

(2) Psychoanalysis: erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.

As the definition suggests it is a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development i.e. the primary narcissism according to Sigmund Freud. According to Freud, a child is born with his own sense of himself or ego so to say. Ego develops through infancy and childhood and the excessive of it can be controlled by proper interventions by parents, teachers, elders, peers, etc. Due to which a person can develop an ideal ego and act normal. It is secondary narcissism that causes personality disorders or more specifically called as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is caused when a person withdraws himself with objects outside himself. More on Freud’s theory, here.

Coming back to people being narcissistic. A minute amount of self-praise is necessary to convince oneself of one’s self worth. However the excess of it could be termed as narcissism. Being self-worthy, self-confident is one thing and being narcissistic is the other. A narcissistic person lacks empathy, tries to assert superiority depending upon his/her value system, over-reacts to criticism by becoming angry or humiliated, might also humiliate others in the process of exaggerating his/her importance, seeks attention and positive reinforcement from others, displays arrogant, haughty and proud behaviour, uses denial mechanism to downplay his/her own inadequacies, uses rational mechanism to justify self-centered behaviour, etc. A person possessing all or most of these signs is clinically ill. 

There is a thin line between self worth and narcissism. You may not know when you will become too self-worthy to be termed as narcissistic. You should sit and analyze your own behaviour and also the behaviour of the people around you. You should ignore a person completely if he fails to see anything outside himself and tries to convert you to his/her opinion. You may end up degrading yourself in his/her company.

P.S: R, I know u wanted to co-author this blog with me for a particular reason. But I could not wait for your net connection to be fixed. So I wrote it on my own. Feel free to make any corrections, you would want to make. ;-)

P.P.S: All personality traits mentioned in the blog are of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and unintentional. :-)

Fan-Tash-Tic

Posted by Sharvari on 20/5/2009

I had the best afternoon since ages. Rather than just napping and lazing around we did something more productive. By 'we' I mean my friend hamsa and I... and by 'productive' I mean something really crazy!!!

Speechless...

Posted by Sharvari on 5/5/2009

What do you do when you are left speechless by something? At times you just sound differently because you are at a loss of words. There is so much to say, dunno how to start. No words to describe something.... ITZZZ.... ITZZZ.... ITZZZ just.....

Powerless Power

Posted by Sharvari on 28/04/2009

You have the power in your hands-Your vote

I wonder if we really do? How can u make your vote count, if all the candidates contesting are not competent? By non-competency I mean... some are criminals, some are uneducated and some are both. Will you be able to live with yourself if you vote for a criminal? If your answer is yes, then suppose in the future you become a victim of any such criminal activities, can you firmly ask for justice? What right have you got to claim justice, when you yourself have fostered such activities by voting in a criminal. If you vote for an uneducated, what example are u setting for the world? Picture this. India- one of the BRIC countries has a PM who is not even matric pass. What a shame! If the representative of your country is uneducated, what attitude will the outside world will have towards you. I am not saying that illiterate people cannot make good leaders. Sure they can. People mob politicians, whenever they are on a visit. But is leadership defined by the number of people you can pull to your rallies? Some might say they will exercise Rule 49-O of the Indian constitution, which empowers the elector to cast a no-vote. A hoax has been circulating which claims that if the '49-O' votes more than those of the winning candidate, then that poll will be canceled and will have to be re-polled. Furthermore, it claims that the contestants will be banned and they cannot contest the re-polling for their life time. (courtesy:  wikipedia). Lack of proper voter turnout is also one of the major issues that concerns the true and fair elections. Majority of the casted votes are either of the people in the rural areas or of slum dwellers. These people again due to lack of education function by hearts and not by their minds. For eg:- If some fatass(sorry for the word)  goes and distributes cash in Dharavi, he/she is upheld as their leader and it is obvious that he is going to win. The root of the problem lies in the mindset of the educated middle class. Here is an example how most of the non-voters think.... As it is this region is the stronghold of some XYZ party. It is going to win whether I vote or not. My vote will not make a difference. And those who vote think.... This XYZ party is strong here. Even if I vote for a clean candidate from an ABC party, he is not going to win. I would rather vote for XYZ than let my vote go waste.  Can we move forward with this mindset? If you believe in a certain candidate is it not your duty to vote for him and assure him victory? Even if a thousand think like this it will make a huge difference. Even if a clean candidate loses, he would be encouraged by a thousand votes and contest more rigorously next time. It is not important, whether the candidate you vote for wins or loses. It is important that you cast your vote for the right person. I hope better sense prevails this election and power does not prove powerless anymore!

Doing away...

Posted by Sharvari on 14/4/2009

In one of my last posts I had mentioned how I hoard up things. I kept my promise and I emptied my cupboard for my brother. Each paper, each book I removed had some or the other memory attached to it. While I did so, I pondered how my journey since 2003 had been. How fast time had flied! And now how life has come a full circle for me. SSC-results- admissions- HSC-results- admissions-FY-SY-TY. I finished mine a few weeks ago. My brother is starting his. It felt a little sad to do away with things which I had preserved all these years. It was a process of flushing unpleasant memories and retaining the pleasant ones. I disposed off a newspaper which I had hoarded for atleast an year and a half for a particular reason. I did not even look at it twice. Things become so different when emotions change! I quietly arranged my brother's books in my cupboard and shifted mine outside. The process pinched a bit. Nevertheless, I had to give my brother his own space or rather had to convert my space into his. He needs it.

Going pink in the face!

Posted by Sharvari on 4/4/2009

Now that the ordeal of TY is over, I can do things which I had stopped doing for the past few months. R had been raving too much about a book. I thought I should give it a try. Considering it was a love story I had a few reservations. Rational me does not read love stories. But anyway i gave in and took up reading Stephanie Meyer's Twilight. I was warned by R to guard my facial expressions while reading it. He was right. The books makes you go pink in the face. Never read it in front of your parents, if you dont have any control over your facial expressions. Though I did not blush while my mother was around, I was too engrossed in the book that I did not do anything else but read. Out of curiosity my mom asked,' What are u reading? A love story?' I said, 'Yeah, mum. It is about a vampire falling in love with a human girl.' She quite naively asked me what a vampire was. I told her the meaning in a very crude language, which made her shriek in disgust. Lol! Coming back to the book, Edward is perfect boyfriend material. He is perfect in almost everything. I wonder if guys can actually be so good. No wonder he is a vampire!

PS: The feeling of TY coming to an end is mixed. On one hand I am relieved its all over, on the other hand I am sad that college has finally come to an end.

Khandeparkar is same as Khandeshwar

Posted by Sharvari on 8/3/2009

Grrr!
The revised electoral list is out. Guess what my name reads ' Sharvari Ulhas Khandeshwar'! That's utterly ridiculous!
This is addressed to the babus...
I can understand if you misplace an 'a' or an 'e', but whole two syllables of my surname? If my handwriting is so illegible, can't you read what is printed on the copy of my passport. Oh yeah! The details on the passport are in English. Ummm, you can't read English, I assume. But the ration card has the details in marathi. Don't tell me you can't even read your own mother tongue! You fight with the government to revise your pay for this kind of work? Just change people's identity for no concrete reason at all? Do you realise what you have done? You have changed my identity as a citizen of this country. Nothing is more apalling than this. Shame on You! Inspite of all this you still have the guts to say, that I ll be able to vote provided I take a letter with me. Sorry state of affairs! Hail bureaucracy! Hail Babudom!

PS: My father teased me over this, till he was told the fiasco changes my father altogether. Guess who told him that? (moi)

Books, Books all over!

Posted by Sharvari on 27/01/2009

With the university exams coming up in less than 2 months most of us have started(atleast pretended to have) studying. And that is how my room is full of books everywhere. Books on the table, books on the bed, books on the chair, books at the window. I have just one specific problem. I can't stick to one damn subject while studying and that is one of the reasons why I can't boast of having completed atleast one subject. The other ofcourse is my laziness. My mother has threatened to throw all my things out if I don't keep them in order. As it is my brother has been compelled to use one of the cabinets of the living room side-piece because the lady herself(that's me) occupies the study table cabinet. I know I m mean. But I can't help it. I have variety of study material stuffed inside the cabinet. Be it my TY books or my German course books. I also have a dirty habit of stocking my old stuff. That would explain the reason behind me still holding on to the MBA entrance material. Though I moved it out of the study table cabinet and put it on one of the upper shelf cupboards. The upper shelf cupboard also contains some of my school books which my mother has kept for my brother's reference(You know all those essay books, sanskrit books, etc). It also contains my FY and SY stuff. My mother does not understand the reason behind me not using them and still clinging on to them. What if I forget what I did in FY, SY and something similar crops up in TY. Then they will always come handy, wouldn't they? I know I have a hoarding syndrome, but there are so many memories attached to such things. Well I am not all that mean, I have promised my brother the study table cabinet after my TY.

PS: I forgot to mention. I have hoarded up all the editions of reader's digest since 2005 and I keep removing 2-3 per week to re-read. lol!

Love U darling!

Posted by Sharvari on 23/01/2009

It has been 15 years now, since I was blessed with a darling sibling. I suddenly grew up and we had a small baby at our place. In his early days he was a pee-potty machine, spoiling every little piece of cloth he could, but he was the cutest thing ever.
As he grew up the bond between us became stronger and stronger. It is not that we don't fight. But the care and love for another outwieghs the fights.(Touchwood!) As my mother puts it,' They may fight amongst themselves, but against the world they are one.'

"Sweetu, I don't know what I would have done without you. You taught me to share, you taught me to sacrifice and more than that you taught me to love. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Just be the way you are-SWEET AND ADORABLE. Muaah!!!"

Oh-BA-MA

Posted by Sharvari on 21/01/2009

Wow! What a man! A great son, a great husband, a great father and now a great(I m assuming) president. A lot has been spoken about him and people know a lot about him. I ll just say what i liked about the man. He is a gentleman in all true sense of terms. What amazing guts he has got! With that just a bit of unusual warmth. I say unusual, because it does not come so naturally to strong-headed people like him. In some parts of his book, 'The Audacity of Hope' he talks about his wife Michelle. He says had his wife contested against him, he would have lost hands down to her. he says and I quote, 'Some people who have heard my wife speak at times come up to me and say 'Obama, we think the world of you, but your wife-WOW!' Who would talk about his wife like that? They have one simple but amazing love story. I was just overwhelmed by the way they were together yesterday. It was not a formal arm-in-arm but a very informal hand-in hand! That speaks volumes about their relationship. I am no entity to comment on his personal life. But just his simplicity appeals to me. I wish him all the best and may he bring about the change he wants to bring about.

PS: I told my Mom,'Ma, get me a man like that and I ll get married the next day!'

Mesmerized

Although I don't watch a lot of TV, one programme is a must watch. I am talking about Idea Sa re Ga Ma Pa which is aired on zee marathi every monday and tuesday at 9:30pm(Repeat telecast tues,wed 3:00pm)
I will not write more... Just posting a few videos to give you an idea.
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=kjRNpik7Oag
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=ygYH_KXr7Vs
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=RFdtYetM-kM
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=8U7ZBoGgkQ0
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=YMoP5qzLOa4
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=igTcXqWSQ7g
And if you are not left mesmerized by these videos, stop calling yourself a music fan!

A weekend that wasn't....

The result season has begun...
The CAT result was shocking! My score according to the ans key put up by them was different and according to the score card was different. Paagulguy went amok with such problems. People with lower percentiles have got calls and someone with 98.9 did not get a single call. As some might put it- a weird pattern of results. Well coming back to my score...Whatever it was I would not have made it to the IIMs with it. So there is no point in discussing it. It is like losing a battle which was fiercely fought. Sad!!! But that is how life is! All in all the experience was fantastic! Just one competitive exam teaches you what the education system could not teach you for years. I will admit I felt a bit bad, but the roof did not come crashing down.
SNAP result was good. But I am not applying. Some friends have called me choosy, egoistic, crazy and what not. Some said that on my face(which I appreciate) and some did that behind my back(grrr!). I just have one question. When I have the choice, why should I not exercise it? And given the current scenario, isn't it safe to do your MBA from the institutes which are at the apex of the triangle? I know I am sounding kolhyala draksha ambat(Grapes are sour for the fox who could not reach them) types, but somehow I feel I will do well if I take up the job. If I do a MBA 2-3 years later I stand to gain more. And it is JPM for God's sake! It will look great on my CV! I am looking forward to May now.
While writing all this I m listening to, 'Yeh honsla kaise jhuke, yeh arzoo kaise ruke, manjil mushkil toh kya, dhundla sahil toh kya, tanha yeh dil toh kya. Raah pe kaate bikhre agar, uspe toh phir bhi chalna hi hai, shyam chupale suraj magar, raatko ek din dhalna hi hai, rut ye tal jaayegi, himmat rang laayegi, subah phir aayegi...."

PS: Even the symbiosis results were not great for some. People are calling it names and even going to the extent of saying that the seats are sold! lol!!! lol!!! and yeah the journey to the IIMs has not been aborted, it continues. It is only postponed! :)

A look down the memory lane...

Tomorrow is a big day! It is going to decide my future course of action. Not only for me but also for the other 274999 MBA aspirants, who took CAT-2008. CAT is suppose to be the 'baap' of all MBA entrances. If you clear this you stand a chance to get into the most coveted B-Schools of India. Before talking about what happened after CAT, let me talk about what happened before and on the day of THE CAT.

Before CAT:-
I was juggling quite a lot of things with CAT. College and TY classes sucked up maximum of my time and energy, leaving me with hardly an hour or so to prepare. First few mock-tests were pretty good. And then the downfall began! I went down till 40 percentile, scaled up slowly to reach 90-95 again. Trust me I dreaded Sundays; more than that the entire jig of analyzing the paper to see where I went wrong. During this leg of my preparation I found the papers of other institutes easy and the paper of my institute biased( One advice to all MBA aspirants, please think twice before choosing an institute... they ain't of any help. I would suggest you take up these books written by Arun Sharma and start preparing yourself. There are even private tutors for those who are weak in quants and VA. After that you can always join the test series of the institute which has wider coverage as compared to the others.) Coming back to what I did. I just took up all the papers from other institutes and started solving. They somewhat boosted my confidence and I manage to remain calm for the 'D' day.

On the day of CAT:- (I was a celebrity for a day!)
Surprisingly this time I could sleep soundly before the paper. I woke up early at 5:30. My centre was IES(Bandra). Since it was far dad decided to drop and pick me up from the centre.(He even went and saw my centre and the route leading towards it well in advance... How sweet of him!) We started at 7:00am in the morning. I enjoyed the ride to centre. The cool breeze and the songs on the radio helped to calm my turbulent mind. We reached at 8:00- a nice hour and a half before the reporting time. I had idilis from the tiffin packed by my mother. My every need was taken care of. As I mentioned in the title I was a celebrity for a day. Finally we were let inside the centre at 9:30. They gave us the paper at 10:15. 90 questions! As I had expected... But there was something more to it... A particular section had 40 questions and others 25 each. As usual you cannot predict anything with the CAT! I just could not help but giggle! Just to avoid any tension I checked the OMR to see whether I had filled in d details carefully. The bell rang! I had to now change my strategy. I decided to give DI 25 mins, quants 35 mins , 45-50 mins to VA and keep rest of the time as a buffer. DI was tough. I was disheartened as it was my strongest section. Nothing could be done now. In 25 mins I could crack one caselet of 4 questions. I moved to quants and I did around 9 questions there. After that came VA. I solved the grammar and vocabulary part first and then went on to the passages. I attempted in all 18 questions there. I was careful and did not want to be reckless like I was in the mocks. I again went to DI cracked a caselet or two and the time got over. After the paper I thought I had attempted less! I checked the answers in the evening. Quant and DI clear, VA doubtful... I cried like a baby! And my brother, such a smartass, said,"If you aim for the sky this will keep on happening!" He got a big scolding from mom for the uncalled oneliner.

After CAT:-
Next few days, I was almost mourning! I fell sick. First it was heavy cough and cold and then a tummy upset, that kept me on curd rice for a week! I was trying to gear for the other entrances but was not in a mood. Then came the Placement week! And guess what I was picked up on the first day itself by JP Morgan(excerpts from the interview later). I was (rather I still am) on cloud nine. I now had a back-up in place. But this back-up turned out to be a turning point. My parents, my cousin and my uncle were of the opinion I take up the job. I should leave it only if I get into the IIMs( which seems distant as of now). I would be a fool to leave JPM for symbiosis or narsee monjee. And after that every sunday became a picnic for me! And those entrances also went on well, coz I was pretty much relaxed. I went to nerul one sunday for TISS, next sunday I was in Goregoan for SNAP, next I was in dadar for NMAT; but my best outing was the last one- for XAT to Don-Bosco. The atmosphere there was wonderful with a beautiful church and a big playground. I enjoyed watching tiny tots play football. I met a lot of friends there. While coming back I had S & P for company. I had a gala time with them in the train!(Oops I forgot to mention, for the XAT essay I fell short of paper...lol!). As someone has said, 'Big Changes in our lives are more or less a second chance.' This is exactly what JPM has done to me. It has given me a second chance to find myself!

Now the reckoning day!
Tomorrow I ll come to know how I have faired at CAT. My friends call me choosy. In their opinion I m leaving good institutes for a job. But it is JPM. It will do wonders to my CV! Lets see if the quest for IIMs continues or it is postponed.