A youth's dilemma...

The youth, they say is the only hope this country has now. Well, they may be right. But I am not assured. What I saw today was absolute indifference. Except for a few, not all people were really affected by what happened in Mumbai. I know there are spoilsports everywhere. But I can't help but get disheartened by it. The biggest tragedy of a tragedy is what happens after the tragedy. People talk for a while and then carry on with their lives. The effect fizzes off. Sadly enough, that is our mentality. When it happens to me it is a tragedy, when it happens to others it is just an incident? People blame the politicians, the intelligence, the system(even I did); but what after that? We move on... Why? Why can't we keep that fire burning within us? Had something gone wrong with our kith and kin, wouldn't we be affected? Spare a thought for the families of those innocent people who have lost their lives. Their world has come crashing down. They are sad, destroyed, dejected...
I am furious. I am not angry with the terrorists. Their families got paid for what they did. They were loyal to their employers. I am angry due to the inaction. I am angry because it is we the people who always bear the brunt. Is just being angry enough? Can't we do something? Some might say, yes we can... We can VOTE... VOTE for whom? Frankly for me voting has turned out to be choosing between the devil and the deep blue sea. Before voting one has to think, who will be less worse. Which party will cause the minimal damage? That is the sorry state of affairs for you! Having said all this, I still have a burning desire to do something. But how? That is my question.

My city bleeds........

My Mumbai, my city bled and it continues to bleed. My heart goes out to the hostages and the bereaved families of those who have lost their lives. They say Mumbai will bounce back. What you thought us to be some ball, that once we are banged hard on the floor, we will bounce back? Nothing remains of the spirit of Mumbai. What spirit are u talking about? How many more people will have to lay down their lives to test this spirit? If u see people getting back to work, it is merely their resignation to their fate.
On late wednesday evening, the CM says the situation is serious. Oh really? Happy realisation! After that the CM was not seen anywhere! The PM comes on your television screens after 18 hrs from the time when the tragedy struck to give the most lethargic nation's address. Oh sorry it is a tragedy for these politicians, for us it is a massacre! The political parties are not playing the blame game to score brownie points over one another. Instead it seems that they are united. Oh wait till everything cools down and they will be back to what they do the best-blame each other.
I feel the people of Mumbai owe an apology from the govt for a serious intelligence failure. Please say,'We have failed and we have failed bigtime! Please throw us out. We are a bunch of useless and good for nothing creatures.' The real heroes have been the the army, navy, NSG commandos, firemen and our police force who not caring for their own lives tried to secure some. A SALUTE TO YOU!

BANG BANG!

Here I m blogging after a gap of almost 2 months....
Well this blog is all about the crap going on in my head at this moment... So if u don't wanna read it, you could navigate to a better website. No issues there!
1. Barack Obama won the US presidential elections... Yipiee. While the world is rejoicing, analysts have predicted a mixed bag of effects for India. The new Prez might press for a non-proliferation treaty with India. He may also give tax benefits to the companies who don't outsource and impose more tax on those who do, which in turn might hamper the job market in India. Though the 'No outsourcing' thing is still a distant priority for him, the non-proliferation treaty still remains a concern. But looking at the brighter side, the world has voted for a change. It is not only a change from red to blue but also a change from rage to peace. Obama's role in curbing terrorism will be crucial because he plans to go tough on Pakistan Govt. He is the re-incarnation of JFK, some may say. Only time will tell whether he lives up to the expectations of the world!

2. CAT is less than 10 days away. Though I have a strategy in place, the percentiles are not encouraging enough. Still I haven't given up. I m mentally prepared to fight the battle till the last day. The other entrances are comparatively easy. I m hoping to clear them at least if not CAT. At times I wonder,' All that I m doing is darkening the ovals, hoping that this darkness will lead me to light!'

3. My mom noticed while combing my hair that the inner strands of my hair had become warm. She said my daughter has suddenly started putting her brain to use. Look how hot it has become by overuse! (Well if u thought i did not know how to comb my hair, let me tell you that i do. But who does not like to be pampered by mommy dearest?)

Y haven't I blogged?

What could be the reasons for me not blogging?
1. I could be really very busy...(nah! I used to always find time to blog, no matter what)
2. I got bored of it...( Hmmm... worth considering, but i dont think so)
3. I have stopped noticing things around...(this could be one of the reasons)
4. I have turned cold. Nothing touches my heart now...(could be!)
5. I have lost interest in almost everything...(true)

Taarikh pe taarikh!!!

'You know I m limping now and almost on the verge collapsing. You know why? My left leg just refuses to walk.' Guess says who??? The UPA led Indian Government! Who else?
With the left wing of politics on their side they were not going to do better. I am surprised they came so far. With Mayawati withdrawing her support it's state is worse than ever. What has the government done in these four years? Inflation has crossed 11%. The gap between the rich and the poor widening, the sole purpose of levying taxes has gone down the drains.(What was Mr. Finance Minister aiming at?) The oil prices out of control. (Mr Karat and company wont it be great if you guys pay attention to the rising oil prices instead.) The Manmohan Govt has to leave a good mark before signing off. Hence it is pressing for the nuke deal. Both the Congress and the Left cannot afford elections at this stage, when inflation has reached an all time high. Hence those bunch of cocoons are having loads of meetings(unfruitful as they are!) with the sole motive to buy time. Whose time are u wasting? By deferring judgment on this crucial issue not only will you lose your own credibility(not that you have lots left, but whatever little you have) , but also the credibility of the nation.

The Mute Speaker...

A short experience somewhere makes you feel blessed. How many times has it happened with you that when you wanted to say something, you just could not express yourself due to lack of words? At least you could speak! Think about the woman I met in the train today. She had the words and yet she was mute. She had so much to talk, but nobody could read her. She could understand what others had to say to her. May be she wasn't deaf or may be she understood the word by the lip movements. May be she wasn't like this before. May be! Though she was a bit different from the others, she tried to make her point come across. I say different because calling her incapable, disabled or abnormal will be an humiliation to her efforts to take her life as it is...

Brandomania!!!

My friend Anandita tagged me on brands... here I take her tag forward

Coffee:- Bru... bru se hoti hain khushiyan shuru
Coffee house:- CCD (dats d only one I know)
Tea:- Girnar royal cup initially... I think mommy switched to tata taza lately
Milk:- Gokul special and gokul shakti(this one is esp for the curd)
Biscuit:- kya abhi ye bhi bolu? main dudh aur biskut khanewali bachi dikhti hoon?
Paste:- Colgate
Watch:Titan.... I would want to own titan raga one day... haan haan rani mukerjee wala
Floaters: Bata
Pen: Cello Gripper... mast handwriting ke liye must!
Scale: Camlin (bachpan se!)
Search Engine: Apna Google
Mail: Gmail, Yahoo
Messenger: Yahoo, Gtalk
Web Album: Picasa
Cell: Motorola.... 'hello motu' it says to me when I switch it on
Service provider: Airtel... hawa se baatein!
Social Networking Site: chirkut... oops! I mean Orkut
Cycle: Ladybird... Don't remember the last time I rode it!
Mode of transport: Rick(a rare novelty,which is now a necessity), TMT Bus(damn u! u will never improve! u r governed by bunch of rascals!), Central Railways( I love to travel by trains, esp in d rains!)
Movies: Cinemax (I hardly watch any... cable wala zindabad!)
Laptop: Itni amir nahi hoon main!
Digicam: Canon
Lens: Dhapanva hi nahi hai, toh lens kidhar se aayega?
Microwave: Mommy prefers the stove...
Super Market: D Mart... (Our family outing on the 1st sunday of every month)

Anxious eyes...

Picture this... On a rainy day a 16yr old and a gentleman presumably her father enter a suburban college to inquire about forms for the current academic year. The girl's hands are in her father's. There is some strange kind of emotion in her eyes. It could be a combined expression of joy of being just out of school and the fear of the day when her father will have to let go her hand. She will no more be secured or constantly under a strict vigil of her teachers. She will be free to behave in the way she wants to. She can choose to be impervious to everything around her. A new life awaits her. Or is it a rude shock??? Only time will tell!
Flashback:
Looking back at the journey that began 4 yrs ago and will be soon coming to an end in another 10 months, I wonder what I have achieved. I am not the same kid I was 4 yrs ago. Change is the only thing that remains constant. These 4 yrs gave me the biggest lessons I could have ever got. I faltered and I learnt to mend my mistakes. I fell down and I learnt to pick up the pieces and walk. I saw things I could not change and I learnt to accept them the way they are. I may not have stopped cribbing, but I have definitely learnt to take life cheerfully in its own stride.

Swimming upstream.... red alert!

Well I haven't started taking swimming lessons now! I know I have put on oodles of weight and I need to put it off...Grr! Chuck it for a while now.
A casual comment by a friend triggered a very abnormal thought, i.e I refuse to be normal. Normal in the sense, like other girls... Btw, when was I? I have always been like this... forever on my toes... forever chasing a dream in this rat[read:cat] race. I am tired now. What am I doing to myself? Am I overdoing things? After falling, slipping on the road and almost fainting twice last week, I have come to a conclusion, that I need a break... Not a physical one, but a mental one. A day free from worries, free from all those thoughts that are cluttering my mind. But can I live without thinking? That's the only activity I do non-stop. I need to take a break though. I can't force my body to the limits just because my brain thinks otherwise. Hence, the title swimming upstream...
And about the extra weight... I ll start working out soon. Dunno when! But soon...

Back to Pavilion

"Will you put that book away? It's too much now. I 'll come and tear it." I am used to these words now. I have been reading voraciously these days- reading before going to bed, reading when everyone is watching TV or discussing something, reading while waiting for the bus, reading in the bus and if that is not enough reading during my tea break in class. People around me did not take offence to earphones clinging to my ears than they do to a book in my hand. I m turning deaf to things happening around me. I m turning bookish, the way I was a few years back!

Learning to love 'love'

Does anything called true love really exist? Don't we conveniently disguise our desire as love? How do you decide that a particular person is your prince charming, so that you allow him to sweep you off your feet?(romantic, eh?)Man! I am(was rather) dead practical. I read a book called 'Eleven Minutes' by Paulo Coelho and it has changed my perception of love by a fraction.(I am not fully convinced yet). Though the book is very explicit, it took to me a different world altogether. According to the book man was first a bisexual animal with a different set of sexual organs, with 2 faces and walking on four legs. The animal was sturdy, intelligent and was easily a threat to other living beings as it was independent. Hence to weaken this being the Greek Gods cut the animal into 2 parts and that's how man and woman were born. So one's true love is the other half of your body which exists somewhere in the world. This is only a myth. I wonder, when a husband beats up or insults his wife or vice-a-versa, are they really with their lost halves? Was or is the marriage a total mismatch. My friend once said that when he saw a boy and girl hand in hand, he thought there was a story. The story is not like the one above. It is story of their past, present and future. This story goes beyond physical desires. It is about being there when your soulmate needs you the most. This story does not require words. It is conveyed through the language of eyes- the language of concern, the language of tears. The book says and I quote,'Desire of the soul and not the body is true love.' That's the most apt definition of love, I have ever come across.

A week's slogging complete... another 52 weeks to go!

After 52 Weeks,
No eyebrow will be raised, if I sleep longer...
No one will stop me from watching TV...
No more exam pressures...
No slogging...
Just 52 weeks to go... just 52...

First Pay Cheque!

Yipeee!!! Nothing can beat the joy of getting ur first Pay Cheque! Though the amount is not great, it still means a lot to me because it is my first... Got pedas home, while coming back. Parents were happy too.(Mulgi margala lagli types!) Chalo kuch toh shuruvat hui!!!

Looking back... Moving forward

Next 3 years of my life are crucial. Quite surprisingly, I did not realise it until today. I am awaiting the results of my SYBcom exams. Frankly speaking I have no expectations there. You cannot predict anything with the podar faculty and you dare not! They will set the most difficult commerce papers in the town and when you think you have done enough to crack them, the marks will make you feel meek. Thank Goodness, no more misery of those podar papers now! It felt like treading on Life's banana skins!!! One moment you are held high, the next moment you are smashed down hard on the ground. I have had enough of it in the last 4 yrs. TY coaching starts tomorrow. Looking forward to it. My hard work would count here. I have to pull up my socks and start preparing for CAT too. Next 3 yrs would make or break my life, out of which the entire period of 1 year would be very crucial and nerve-wrecking. I have to sacrifice all those leisure Sundays which I spend dozing like a lazybump! I have to sail through. In short, I m just out of the furnace, but I am stuck up somewhere in the machinery(O Wodehouse...you listening? I love you!). 3 yrs to go to make all that value addition and be turned into that nice final product; to be sold in the job market.

Gosh!!!

XYZ Aunty: Arre Sharvari... kaisi ho? Kitne dino baad dikhi!
Mom and I nod with a smile
XYZ Aunty: Abhi kya kar rahi ho?
Me: Main abhi TY me gayi.(Shit! I m in TY now! Arre abhi toh SSC diya tha!)
Mom: Aaj hi college jaake apna subject preference deke aayi.(Mom, ye bataneki jarurat thi?)
XYZ Aunty: Acha? Kaunse subject lene waali ho?
Me: Dekhte hain. Preference toh deke aayi hoon.(Ab kya batau? Jo denge woh lena padega. Band baj gayi hai!)
XYZ Aunty: Kitni badi ho gayi ye na abhi. Chotisi thi.(Aunty sab lag bade hote hain). Ekdum abhi alagh dikhti hai.(huh?). Abhi shaadi ho jaayegi aur pata bhi nahi chalega.(Damn! Every conversation has to take this turn!)
Mom(all smiles): Haan...(As if I m already hooked!)

You cant stop time. Time flies by and you still would not notice. You still want to be a kid but for the world you have turned into a grown up. Time changes and so does perception!

Take it Light... Grrrrrrrrrrr!

"Take it easy!"..."Take rest!"... "You need a well-deserved break."... "Lay back and relax!" Well people have been telling me this since my exams got over, but now I m feeling sick of it. I cannot laze around for more than 2 days. Loneliness, Frustration, Irritation of doing nothing gets to me. I m used to living life in a fast lane. I need a hectic schedule to survive. I need a constant sword dangling over my head. I m not used to such an easy life. Eat, drink, sleep, then get up and again eat, drink, sleep. Not that I wasn't craving for such kind of life a few days back. I admit I was; I really wanted to take rest. But I got bored within 2 days. May be I m missing my cousin, who flew back to states last night. I miss our long chats over irrelevant things. I miss talking to him. Anyway I have taken up reading, which I had stopped for the last 2 months. It is keeping me busy. I can't wait to get back to my hectic life!!!

A crusade of 18 days...

Last 18 days have been hectic, irritating, saddening... Though I hope they were fruitful...(Dunno will come to know only in mid-april!!!)



24.2.2008 :- Pressure Building up... So much to finish! juggling between Finance and Economics.



25.2.2008 :- Day began with economics(as late as 11.a.m... Thanks to the last night session till 3.a.m). Completed Banking Sector Norms... Still a bit of uneasiness within... Took up Law in the night session(This was my 3rd serious attempt to study law. End-result:-session ends at 1:30... a nice one and half hour before the schedule) Lazybumb!



26.2.2008 :- Took up Economics again... Something unexpected happen. My cousin suddenly came to India.(Had I not told him not to come during my exams??? Grrrrrrrr!). But I have to admit it was a blessing in disguise! The fellow called me up every 4hrs to tell me how he was enjoying. I was jealous, but at the same time the talks relieved the mounting tension. Anyway finished the Indian Money Market.



27.2.2008 :- It was eco, eco and only eco... Pressure building up...



28.2.2008 :- A day before exams... Started with revisions... Could not sleep the whole night...kept tossing my head over the sleepless pillow...



29.2.2008 :- Bang! The D-day... Day starts as early as 5am. Condition worse than a zombie. The first hurdle successfully crossed, but I could have done better. Back home, tried to sleep still could not.

1.3.2008 :- Could not sleep the whole night. Woke up rather early. Astonishingly I was dozing off at d study table; not bcoz i was very much sleep deprived, but the subject i had to do was FC. How I hate to study FC! It is a crappy subject which consists of environment, communicable diseases, scientists, pollution, etc. And I thought I was going to graduate in commerce after a year!

2.3.2008 :- Manged to sleep for 3 hrs in the night. Attended the CAT class. Was surprisingly awake for d RC session. came back home... again slept for an hour or so and then retired to studying FC.

3.3.2008 :- Finally dat FC thing is over. No more FC next year! And yes the paper went well! Much better than it was expected. Finally I was able to catch on some well deserved sleep.

4.3.2008 :- Accounts coming up the next day. I had practised enuf for it, the entire year. yet was going thru everything minutely. Wid podar papers, one cannot afford to take chances. India wins d VB series. Wollah!

5.3.2008:- The paper was a major screw-up! Losing 10 mks comfortably. Thats d figure in my books. Dunno abt the paper corrector's books! Wid law coming up, brooding is unaffordable. Every minute counts...

6.3.2008:- law law law.... i would prefer to be beheaded wid a saw!

7.3.2008:- I understood y co-operatives dont survive in India. The law is so bad!

8.3.2008:- Fill in the blanks in the paper of law? A booty worth 15mks. Almost got all of them(wid options)

9.3.2008:- I love u journalism. I dont have to study answers to write you. I can relax. I really really love u! Cousin came for dinner. Had a gala time! Ended up wid tummy cramps in the night :(

10.3.2008:- I cant understand, what exactly is my problem? I crib when I have to study and I crib when i dont have to.

11.3.2008:- The paper was a cakewalk. 25mks were already in the pocket(thanks to project work)

12.3.2008:- It is really difficult to study bfore the last paper. Still managed to pull it off, but ended up forgetting everything at d end.(one of my very famous exam bloopers... going blank!). That called for another sleepless night!

13.3.2008:- Ah! the paper was easier than expected. Could remember almost everything while writing it. Last paper! khatam. no more misery of podar papers! wah wah! slept like a pig the entire day.

Few things I learnt during this crusade:-
1. I cannot sleep bfore the first paper, no matter how hard I try.
2. No preparation is sufficient for accounts. It is sheer luck.
3. Studying law in advance is a stupidity... It is back to square one when u revise.
4. You cannot study before the last paper, no matter how hard you try!

PS:-My mom has thrown out the jar of pickle. She thinks it is responsible for my frequently recurring tummy cramps. How right she is! Indeed, pickles it is! My life is a pickle.

Gender Bias

Somethings just don't change!!!
Today we talk about liberation of the girl child. But are we ready to flush the gender bias out of their minds first??? Even if we are, will the people around allow us to do so? My father gets annoyed when he sees Barkha Dutt on television. He says he does not like her. He would prefer Rajdeep Sardesai to her any day. I really dont understand why. She is equally capable. My Mother once quoted about Kiran Bedi, 'She could reach so far because her husband was supportive.' It makes me wonder, why ,in the 21st century too, we still have to depend on males for taking important decisions. 'Girls are not supposed to be ambitious' If she is ambitious, she is tagged to be dominating. I don't understand the connection here. Why aren't we applauded for striking the right balance between family and work? How many husbands help their wives at home? They say doing the household work is degrading, yet they want to know and more importantly they want to criticise whatever is cooked for dinner! When these guys want to marry they would not accept anything less than a girl who has a clean record; irrespective of what they have done in their past lives. Hypocrites!!! In an arrange marriage the girl has no say. She has to do many 'tray holding drills' till she gets 'selected'. As if it is a reality show called 'The Best Possible Girl for The Best Groom on The Earth. Some say getting a girl married is easy, you leave her to her destiny. But getting a boy married is the most difficult task on the earth. What if the 'wrong girl' comes into the family? Yeah yeah... get your girl married and the burden is off your shoulders! One of the reasons why female foeticide and infanticide does not stop. How much ever we talk about doing away with gender bias, we cant. The reason being it is in the Indian mentality. More than the mentality it is deeply rooted in the Indian Patriarchal Society. However I m blessed that my parents have not given me anything less than they have given to my brother. But when I see the society as a whole, the difference still persists.

Dilemma... to do or not to do...

I am actually clueless now... I have to choose between doing something and not doing something. My heart says do it. My brain says don't. I want to listen to my heart, but cant ignore my brain too. What to do???

Forgive and Forget

After we lost the Sydney test horribly, India will always be remembered for the right reasons. Today our cricket team took back all the charges against Brad Hogg which obviously gave us an upper hand and the Aussies could do nothing but just watch and acknowledge our gesture. Not that I m a huge follower of Gandhism, but somewhere down the line we Indians know the importance of 'forgive and forget.' When Kumble at the end of the test match said , there was only one team who played the game in a true spirit, he was right... Not only that... That team played the gentleman's game in a true gentleman's style.

Back on Track!

Sorry my dear blog for not blogging for days... but here I m blogging again. The dreaded 2007 is gone and 2008 has brought in a new ray of hope. I really like the way 2008 has shaped up and I hope this momentum continues. I still remember what mom and my Friends told me... Just hang in there... Don't lose hope and more than that don't lose yourself. Apni toh band baj gayi hai mamu. Pata hai jo bhi hua woh bahut galat hua. Isse bura kya ho sakta hai? Abhi jo hoga acha hoga. So I m back saying... Main apni favourite hoon!!! Ye Jab we Met hangover jara jyaada ho gaya nahi? But wats the problem if it is doing me good?