Back to Pavilion

"Will you put that book away? It's too much now. I 'll come and tear it." I am used to these words now. I have been reading voraciously these days- reading before going to bed, reading when everyone is watching TV or discussing something, reading while waiting for the bus, reading in the bus and if that is not enough reading during my tea break in class. People around me did not take offence to earphones clinging to my ears than they do to a book in my hand. I m turning deaf to things happening around me. I m turning bookish, the way I was a few years back!

Learning to love 'love'

Does anything called true love really exist? Don't we conveniently disguise our desire as love? How do you decide that a particular person is your prince charming, so that you allow him to sweep you off your feet?(romantic, eh?)Man! I am(was rather) dead practical. I read a book called 'Eleven Minutes' by Paulo Coelho and it has changed my perception of love by a fraction.(I am not fully convinced yet). Though the book is very explicit, it took to me a different world altogether. According to the book man was first a bisexual animal with a different set of sexual organs, with 2 faces and walking on four legs. The animal was sturdy, intelligent and was easily a threat to other living beings as it was independent. Hence to weaken this being the Greek Gods cut the animal into 2 parts and that's how man and woman were born. So one's true love is the other half of your body which exists somewhere in the world. This is only a myth. I wonder, when a husband beats up or insults his wife or vice-a-versa, are they really with their lost halves? Was or is the marriage a total mismatch. My friend once said that when he saw a boy and girl hand in hand, he thought there was a story. The story is not like the one above. It is story of their past, present and future. This story goes beyond physical desires. It is about being there when your soulmate needs you the most. This story does not require words. It is conveyed through the language of eyes- the language of concern, the language of tears. The book says and I quote,'Desire of the soul and not the body is true love.' That's the most apt definition of love, I have ever come across.

A week's slogging complete... another 52 weeks to go!

After 52 Weeks,
No eyebrow will be raised, if I sleep longer...
No one will stop me from watching TV...
No more exam pressures...
No slogging...
Just 52 weeks to go... just 52...

First Pay Cheque!

Yipeee!!! Nothing can beat the joy of getting ur first Pay Cheque! Though the amount is not great, it still means a lot to me because it is my first... Got pedas home, while coming back. Parents were happy too.(Mulgi margala lagli types!) Chalo kuch toh shuruvat hui!!!

Looking back... Moving forward

Next 3 years of my life are crucial. Quite surprisingly, I did not realise it until today. I am awaiting the results of my SYBcom exams. Frankly speaking I have no expectations there. You cannot predict anything with the podar faculty and you dare not! They will set the most difficult commerce papers in the town and when you think you have done enough to crack them, the marks will make you feel meek. Thank Goodness, no more misery of those podar papers now! It felt like treading on Life's banana skins!!! One moment you are held high, the next moment you are smashed down hard on the ground. I have had enough of it in the last 4 yrs. TY coaching starts tomorrow. Looking forward to it. My hard work would count here. I have to pull up my socks and start preparing for CAT too. Next 3 yrs would make or break my life, out of which the entire period of 1 year would be very crucial and nerve-wrecking. I have to sacrifice all those leisure Sundays which I spend dozing like a lazybump! I have to sail through. In short, I m just out of the furnace, but I am stuck up somewhere in the machinery(O Wodehouse...you listening? I love you!). 3 yrs to go to make all that value addition and be turned into that nice final product; to be sold in the job market.

Gosh!!!

XYZ Aunty: Arre Sharvari... kaisi ho? Kitne dino baad dikhi!
Mom and I nod with a smile
XYZ Aunty: Abhi kya kar rahi ho?
Me: Main abhi TY me gayi.(Shit! I m in TY now! Arre abhi toh SSC diya tha!)
Mom: Aaj hi college jaake apna subject preference deke aayi.(Mom, ye bataneki jarurat thi?)
XYZ Aunty: Acha? Kaunse subject lene waali ho?
Me: Dekhte hain. Preference toh deke aayi hoon.(Ab kya batau? Jo denge woh lena padega. Band baj gayi hai!)
XYZ Aunty: Kitni badi ho gayi ye na abhi. Chotisi thi.(Aunty sab lag bade hote hain). Ekdum abhi alagh dikhti hai.(huh?). Abhi shaadi ho jaayegi aur pata bhi nahi chalega.(Damn! Every conversation has to take this turn!)
Mom(all smiles): Haan...(As if I m already hooked!)

You cant stop time. Time flies by and you still would not notice. You still want to be a kid but for the world you have turned into a grown up. Time changes and so does perception!

Take it Light... Grrrrrrrrrrr!

"Take it easy!"..."Take rest!"... "You need a well-deserved break."... "Lay back and relax!" Well people have been telling me this since my exams got over, but now I m feeling sick of it. I cannot laze around for more than 2 days. Loneliness, Frustration, Irritation of doing nothing gets to me. I m used to living life in a fast lane. I need a hectic schedule to survive. I need a constant sword dangling over my head. I m not used to such an easy life. Eat, drink, sleep, then get up and again eat, drink, sleep. Not that I wasn't craving for such kind of life a few days back. I admit I was; I really wanted to take rest. But I got bored within 2 days. May be I m missing my cousin, who flew back to states last night. I miss our long chats over irrelevant things. I miss talking to him. Anyway I have taken up reading, which I had stopped for the last 2 months. It is keeping me busy. I can't wait to get back to my hectic life!!!

A crusade of 18 days...

Last 18 days have been hectic, irritating, saddening... Though I hope they were fruitful...(Dunno will come to know only in mid-april!!!)



24.2.2008 :- Pressure Building up... So much to finish! juggling between Finance and Economics.



25.2.2008 :- Day began with economics(as late as 11.a.m... Thanks to the last night session till 3.a.m). Completed Banking Sector Norms... Still a bit of uneasiness within... Took up Law in the night session(This was my 3rd serious attempt to study law. End-result:-session ends at 1:30... a nice one and half hour before the schedule) Lazybumb!



26.2.2008 :- Took up Economics again... Something unexpected happen. My cousin suddenly came to India.(Had I not told him not to come during my exams??? Grrrrrrrr!). But I have to admit it was a blessing in disguise! The fellow called me up every 4hrs to tell me how he was enjoying. I was jealous, but at the same time the talks relieved the mounting tension. Anyway finished the Indian Money Market.



27.2.2008 :- It was eco, eco and only eco... Pressure building up...



28.2.2008 :- A day before exams... Started with revisions... Could not sleep the whole night...kept tossing my head over the sleepless pillow...



29.2.2008 :- Bang! The D-day... Day starts as early as 5am. Condition worse than a zombie. The first hurdle successfully crossed, but I could have done better. Back home, tried to sleep still could not.

1.3.2008 :- Could not sleep the whole night. Woke up rather early. Astonishingly I was dozing off at d study table; not bcoz i was very much sleep deprived, but the subject i had to do was FC. How I hate to study FC! It is a crappy subject which consists of environment, communicable diseases, scientists, pollution, etc. And I thought I was going to graduate in commerce after a year!

2.3.2008 :- Manged to sleep for 3 hrs in the night. Attended the CAT class. Was surprisingly awake for d RC session. came back home... again slept for an hour or so and then retired to studying FC.

3.3.2008 :- Finally dat FC thing is over. No more FC next year! And yes the paper went well! Much better than it was expected. Finally I was able to catch on some well deserved sleep.

4.3.2008 :- Accounts coming up the next day. I had practised enuf for it, the entire year. yet was going thru everything minutely. Wid podar papers, one cannot afford to take chances. India wins d VB series. Wollah!

5.3.2008:- The paper was a major screw-up! Losing 10 mks comfortably. Thats d figure in my books. Dunno abt the paper corrector's books! Wid law coming up, brooding is unaffordable. Every minute counts...

6.3.2008:- law law law.... i would prefer to be beheaded wid a saw!

7.3.2008:- I understood y co-operatives dont survive in India. The law is so bad!

8.3.2008:- Fill in the blanks in the paper of law? A booty worth 15mks. Almost got all of them(wid options)

9.3.2008:- I love u journalism. I dont have to study answers to write you. I can relax. I really really love u! Cousin came for dinner. Had a gala time! Ended up wid tummy cramps in the night :(

10.3.2008:- I cant understand, what exactly is my problem? I crib when I have to study and I crib when i dont have to.

11.3.2008:- The paper was a cakewalk. 25mks were already in the pocket(thanks to project work)

12.3.2008:- It is really difficult to study bfore the last paper. Still managed to pull it off, but ended up forgetting everything at d end.(one of my very famous exam bloopers... going blank!). That called for another sleepless night!

13.3.2008:- Ah! the paper was easier than expected. Could remember almost everything while writing it. Last paper! khatam. no more misery of podar papers! wah wah! slept like a pig the entire day.

Few things I learnt during this crusade:-
1. I cannot sleep bfore the first paper, no matter how hard I try.
2. No preparation is sufficient for accounts. It is sheer luck.
3. Studying law in advance is a stupidity... It is back to square one when u revise.
4. You cannot study before the last paper, no matter how hard you try!

PS:-My mom has thrown out the jar of pickle. She thinks it is responsible for my frequently recurring tummy cramps. How right she is! Indeed, pickles it is! My life is a pickle.

Gender Bias

Somethings just don't change!!!
Today we talk about liberation of the girl child. But are we ready to flush the gender bias out of their minds first??? Even if we are, will the people around allow us to do so? My father gets annoyed when he sees Barkha Dutt on television. He says he does not like her. He would prefer Rajdeep Sardesai to her any day. I really dont understand why. She is equally capable. My Mother once quoted about Kiran Bedi, 'She could reach so far because her husband was supportive.' It makes me wonder, why ,in the 21st century too, we still have to depend on males for taking important decisions. 'Girls are not supposed to be ambitious' If she is ambitious, she is tagged to be dominating. I don't understand the connection here. Why aren't we applauded for striking the right balance between family and work? How many husbands help their wives at home? They say doing the household work is degrading, yet they want to know and more importantly they want to criticise whatever is cooked for dinner! When these guys want to marry they would not accept anything less than a girl who has a clean record; irrespective of what they have done in their past lives. Hypocrites!!! In an arrange marriage the girl has no say. She has to do many 'tray holding drills' till she gets 'selected'. As if it is a reality show called 'The Best Possible Girl for The Best Groom on The Earth. Some say getting a girl married is easy, you leave her to her destiny. But getting a boy married is the most difficult task on the earth. What if the 'wrong girl' comes into the family? Yeah yeah... get your girl married and the burden is off your shoulders! One of the reasons why female foeticide and infanticide does not stop. How much ever we talk about doing away with gender bias, we cant. The reason being it is in the Indian mentality. More than the mentality it is deeply rooted in the Indian Patriarchal Society. However I m blessed that my parents have not given me anything less than they have given to my brother. But when I see the society as a whole, the difference still persists.

Dilemma... to do or not to do...

I am actually clueless now... I have to choose between doing something and not doing something. My heart says do it. My brain says don't. I want to listen to my heart, but cant ignore my brain too. What to do???

Forgive and Forget

After we lost the Sydney test horribly, India will always be remembered for the right reasons. Today our cricket team took back all the charges against Brad Hogg which obviously gave us an upper hand and the Aussies could do nothing but just watch and acknowledge our gesture. Not that I m a huge follower of Gandhism, but somewhere down the line we Indians know the importance of 'forgive and forget.' When Kumble at the end of the test match said , there was only one team who played the game in a true spirit, he was right... Not only that... That team played the gentleman's game in a true gentleman's style.

Back on Track!

Sorry my dear blog for not blogging for days... but here I m blogging again. The dreaded 2007 is gone and 2008 has brought in a new ray of hope. I really like the way 2008 has shaped up and I hope this momentum continues. I still remember what mom and my Friends told me... Just hang in there... Don't lose hope and more than that don't lose yourself. Apni toh band baj gayi hai mamu. Pata hai jo bhi hua woh bahut galat hua. Isse bura kya ho sakta hai? Abhi jo hoga acha hoga. So I m back saying... Main apni favourite hoon!!! Ye Jab we Met hangover jara jyaada ho gaya nahi? But wats the problem if it is doing me good?

A sweep! Rap Rap Rapport Rewind!

Not a clean sweep, but atleast respectable and more importantly lived upto people's expectations... After screwing up the GD royally, our class was still leading thanks to Anandita's classical dance(we had a joker and rapport rewind on it... so dat makes it 6+20 points for one single event) and Antakshiri. Third day literary picked up speed...2nd in marathi creative writing(Nirmohi), 3rd in Hindi elocution(I), 3rd in spell bee(Anandita and I...not had expected even to qualify), 1st in English creative writing(Kushal), 2nd in debate(Hrudyesh and I)...Debate was fun. I did not know what I was talking, just went on and on to realise there was a thud thud sound of clapping; which made me feel I was right on track. I m not satisfied with my performance tho, could have done better. Anyways, all well dat ends well!

P.S. We also one the social skit which we went and did on the spot!

A change of scenario...

Just a few days before, I was happy december was here, but not anymore. I longed for d college fest to start, but not anymore. As it is approaching, a simple feelin of boredom is creeping in. A classic example how everything changes in a jiffy.This reaction may have been triggered by a particular event that happened last week and that mebbe the reason why I have lost interest in almost everything. Or mebbe it is just a general feeling of boredom! Mebbe it is just a phase of my life. I hope it fades away soon. I want to b chirpy as I was earlier. I want to yap, I want to blabber non-stop...

Has it happened with you?

Has it happened with you?

1. You want to do something and you end up doing the opposite.
2. You want to fight back but you have no clue how to go about it.
3. You want to fly but your wings have been cut off.
4. You want to express yourself but you don't have words to do so or there isn't anybody around to give u patient ear.
5. You want to scream at the top of your voice but you are not permitted to do so.
6. You are feeling suffocated in a particular environment but you don't have the courage to break free.

Smacked down hard on the ground...

Just when you feel you are going good and something happens and there you are 'smacked hard on the ground'. I am really low on confidence. My mom and friends tell me that I am taking things too drastically. Mebbe I am! But I refuse to accept whatever has happened. It is not my mistake and I will prove it. I will not retire till I give a fight back. There is only one thing that is keeping me going now, 'People who care for me, love me have not given up on me. So I will not give up on myself.' But one thing I cant promise. I cant be the same chirpy self I was a week ago. That would be too much to expect...

Kyun??? Kyun???

In my last blog I said I love the month december. I wish I knew it could also be called as 'dicey december'.On Friday our class results will be out. This time our parents have been called to the college(for the first time in the history of podar!) to collect our results. Why? Why? And to add to the misery there is this feeling of helplessness. You feel like a puppet when u see the amount of politics and corruption around.(ppl of podar would know what i am talking abt.)
Friday is the D day for us. Aaar ya Paar situation. Sita maiiya (Sita Ramanan-our coll principal) is going to do our Chir-Haran... On the same day there is this prestigious elocution competition in the college. I want to participate. But I m faced with these mixed feelings. The result thing is sinking in and I cannot concentrate on anything else.
Just asking one question.... KYUN???

Yeah baby... December is here!

December, December, December!
Time for more wonders!
I love this month... Inspite of being the last month of the year, I love december for the fact there is so much of fun and frolic around. It feels great to spend nice chilly mornings in the company of friends and yes also wid the tapri cutting chai. Colleges celebrate different days... rose day, saree day, tie day, chocolate day, blah blah and also not to forget the action packed intra college fest that our college organises for us at the end of the month. And ...like the icing on the cake my cousins are coming to India from US for a visit after 2-3 long years. Dying to meet them.........

Sick of complaining now!

Since the past one week I m trying to renew my net account, but somehow its not happening. When u book a renewal pack , how happily these call centre ppl tell u,"Mam, ur pack will reach u in 48 hrs." Forget 48 hrs, it reached me after 144 hrs... Now thats a bit too much! Wait wait the misery does not end here. When u try to renew ur account, the pin no is faulty...Phbbt! Seriously I have lost the patience now. Trying my level best. I dunno when i will b able to login now. Tired of complaining again again!!! Grrrrrrrrr!

Such a party booper... sharvari!

Saturday is saree day and rose day in college and party booper sharvari is not going... Why??? I dunno! Mebbe I have lost interest or mebbe I m just palying one lazybump... yeah yeah wear pointed heels, saree and travel like that in the suburban local train and then come back home in that dreaded TMT bus... At the end of the day if your legs dont hurt then tell me... Phbbt!